Matthew never said the person he felt close to that they were his friend.
Never did he let that one syllable hit like a ton of bricks : ‘friend.’
Such a declaration of friendship – he knew it for he had been the recipient of some of them – was the first step in double locking the door on an unfolding relation.
Matthew felt it was good that a relation of friendship remained unnamed.
Even though he never admitted it to people surrounding him, he knew it was good there was no such thing as friendship.
Without this deafening concept, a relationship could unfurl and evolve freely.
The silence between two beings acknowledging each other is friendship.
Words are burdens we use to heap on others : ‘Be my friend’. ‘Would you be my friend ?’ ‘You are my friend…’ and they nip relationships in the bud.
Still, Matthew tried to hear this word for what it says beyond hat it commonly means.
What do these words of friendship say from the place they are pronounced ?
They tell about a solitude yet to be tamed.
They tell about the fear of being left to one’s own fate,
about the fear when facing all those bits and ends of meaning which keep failing to slot together,
about the anxiety as deserts expand.
Matthew knew he had to become a friend for people sheltering in that place.
Even if that meant being the recipient of their shivering feelings.
For the greater good, he had to cope with asymmetrical friendships, carrying their share of teenage immaturity.
©FJ June 2021 – All Rights Reserved
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