The Equations of my Inner Cosmos

The ball has bounced on my side of the net
And I’ve hit it back.
In a snap, I kept the game going.
The only thing I had to do was to leave the court and go for a walk, gently smiling.

But everything was in place set for a good old tennis match.

I’ve allowed the game of suffering to take place.
I’m the one who reached out my hand and grabbed the fruit.

Now that perspective has appeared as I look back on the unfurling of events : How can I be sure that Vedana, the inner sensation, is what I am holding in the palms of my hands ?

Thanks to the manifest disproportion between the triggering event and the actual reaction.

In the attempt to explain the result, data are missing.
In the same way that the counter-relief of astronomers’ calculations point to the existence of antimatter,
the gap between the impact I felt and the events I blamed for my earlier frustration is way too important.
I would take much more than a common pebble could to shape such a huge crater.

Here is the missing mass : Vedana

Vedana : The inner sensation, causing most of our reactions.
The external event (the pebble) hits the ground ( the history of a sandy land) and generates a huge cloud of sand, blurring everything : the inner feeling, unleashed energies, wild emotional flows.
The remaining space, if any, does not allow to question its relevance, its density, its reality.
I’m letting myself get smothered and trapped in the quicksand of suffering.

I feel truly grateful for the dismayed look and appeasing tone from the friends met in that moment.
As I summon them tonight, I realize that, without them, I would not be able to solve the equations of my inner cosmos.

Franck Joseph
©FJ Jan 2021- All rights reserved.
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