The shutter that keeps quickly slamming against the window is suddenly smashed by the night wind.
This does not bother me at all.
The car humming at the red light sounds obsessed with letting the throbbing bass frequencies through the walls of my house.
And that is acutely irritating me.
What does it tell about myself ?
Objectively, the sound volume caused by the car is much lower than that of the slamming shutters.
But the difference is that, in the vehicle, behind this radio, sits another human being, perfect receptacle to all the intentions of nuisance that I project onto him…
I pour in this character’s mind intentions to harm proportional to my need for confrontation.
Virtually, I escape with him. I use him as an escape.
As my mind is looking for trouble, it is an outlet for my repressed anger.
Behind the shutter, the wind,
Behind the wind… nobody to blame.
No low level of education to incriminate, nor any inability to question the common interest.
I push forward and orient these scenarios to the point of cornering my virtual opponent, to the point of holding him on the fine tip of the space/time thorn, where he exists and reacts, here and now, only get harmed in the most pernicious possible way.
If all this is allowed to build up, it’s because my anger is ripe enough to go out.
It has to come out.
Pushing this a bit beyond, I would almost come to wish that an indelicate car and its coarse driver would stop at the red light in front of my window,
I’d come to wish that the neighbors would play a blaring music through my walls,
Quick ! Bring it on ! Make those external shocks happen to harvest this mature anger !
Let a situation emerge so that my anger finally gushes out of my chest !
I wish all this did not bother me more than the sound of a shutter slamming on my window.
Disarming my virtual opponent, laying bare the intentions I ascribe to him
Means turning my eyes to the incipient anger seeking to exist.
Loading the driver with all the vices of the world,
Means looking away from my anger.
I can give myself over to this path of lies for a long time.
This anger is the armed wing of a muffled frustration.
My frustration is the consequence of a missed appointment that I had set with the future :
An ambition, confessed or not,
it is the consequence of a dis-appointment.
Ambition is a desire to control events,
A channeling of living efforts to achieve the validation of a course.
Experienced in such a way, it is an egotic disorder.
Here : the source of the chains of de-compensations leading to hate the man who plays his music on the red light.
There is actually nothing different between the driver and the wind.
Both result from a network of entangled and complex phenomena, leading to these manifestations (slamming shutters / noisy car).
This man and his music do not want me any more harm than the wind and its squalls.
They are… well beyond me.
©FJ July 2021 – All Rights Reserved
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